Thursday, November 15, 2007

Things I have learned since becoming a mother:

(and this isn't the same list that has been circulating in emails for a couple of years that talks about a queen-sized waterbed contains enough water to flood a ranch-style home with 2 inches of water, and flushed flashlights illuminate the toilet bowl.)
  • I now understand why Dad took away all my toys when I couldn't/wouldn't keep my room clean. We're mostly past the toys stage, and full-blown into the clothing stage: it's called a hamper, Sweetie!
  • Kids claim (falsely, I fervently believe) that they can distinguish between clean and dirty laundry, no matter how interspersed the two may be
  • Old cats pee on everything. Except kitty litter.
  • Old cats barf a lot. Especially on white carpet. White carpet isn't white after cats barf on it. Now it's leopard-print!
  • City kids have no idea what a growing tomato, broccoli, cucumber, or pepper plant looks like. Imagine explaining to them where the seeds come from!
  • Mice like garages. Especially garages where dog food gets dropped a lot.
  • Mice scare the daylights out of Moms when opening a box that was stored in the garage and there he is, peering at you just as frightened of you as you are of him. Maybe more so.
  • Parent-teacher conferences are never scheduled at a good time for the parent.
  • "huh" and "I dunno" are the first words teenagers learn. Older siblings and peers can be pivotal in helping them learn these words while still tweens.
  • Once-A-Month-Cooking gives one much more energy throughout the rest of the month to pursue such hobbies as baking cookies, giving homework help, and haircuts.
  • Once-A-Month-Cooking is best performed with help. Useful help is good, but yet oh-so-hard to find.
  • Potatoes don't freeze well for once a month cooking. Still not sure how they do it for commercially-sold French-fries and hash browns, and probably don't want to know!
  • Celery doesn't freeze well after being cooked, and can ruin an otherwise great quadruple batch of split pea soup
  • Teenagers are an excellent example of why some of God's creatures eat their young.
  • No matter how much it makes sense to eat them, we still love them—even more so when they're being most edible.
  • Parents are human, and humans generally don't eat their children, unless they want to be locked away for years.
  • Teenagers will lead parents to question if they will be locked away for years if, rather than eating them, they chain up their teenagers in the basement until they turn 21. They contemplate doing so anyway, and and wonder if they have enough fingers and toes to count the years.
  • Parenting is a thankless job, unless and until one starts thanking one's own parents
On that note: I LOVE MY PARENTS (all of 'em!), and I forgive them for any real or mostly imagined faults (especially my part of imagining!) in their parenting of me—thank you for loving me enough to discipline me when I needed it, not that it was very often, cuz we all know what an angel I was and still am! I like to think I turned out okay, and I hate to think that they ever may have wondered how I would make it in the world.
I also understand if they still wonder…
(and just in case you were wondering, we absolutely DO love the kids!)
If Hillary is the answer, it must have been a stupid question. -unknown

No comments: